ite.

Sup G. Wicked day today to be honest (Y). One of the best in a long time really. I shan't divulge too much information but basically i spent the afternoon watching Boosh 2 with my best friend. Loved it.

Safe yeah?

Definitely had a fun day today (Y) not. Was a bit boring to be honest. Went to Sainos this morning to get something to eat for lunch because Mum was taking Joe to Heyford fishing for the afternoon and i bought Shaun Of The Dead but i did'nt dare watch it by myself! Pathetic i know, but those sort of things ALWAYS make me jump loads.

I can't wait to see him.

There can be some funny people about sometimes.

Fuck sake! Leave me a lone yeah? Some people can be right nutters. And another thing, stop texting me! If you don't want to talk to me don't keep texting me.

Ok then.

So i'm sozzled then. Went to work again with Dad today - fun times - smacked me hand on the gate though. Good one (Y). Went to the pub as soon as we got back and i've had 3 halves of Strongy-B or a pint and half as some might like to say. Feel rather tipsy now actually. Tea in 5 mins.

Back to the boy situation. The thing is that I can’t try to like someone else or try and get with someone else because I’ll be wracked with guilt because it will feel like I’ve cheated on him even though we aren’t a couple (does that make sense?)
ARRRRRRGH!! THE LIFE OF A 15 YEAR OLD GIRL IS A VICIOUS CIRCLE OF FIT BOYS, LOVE, AND BEST FRIENDS. Why can’t everything just be easy and straight forward?

FUCK SAKE! Excuse my french.

I wonder if anyone will actually read this?

Well that was an eventful day. Went to work with Dad today to do two jobs - first job we were doing our thing (don't take that the wrong way because i know some readers WILL) and we had about 40 cows left and were running very smoothly. Next minute Dad looks up and every single one of them have disappeared down the end of the race! They must have been running at that poor gate with some force because it was leaning against the wall by the skin of it's teeth.
So that was a bit of a result because we got to the second job much quicker which was a result because we got home earlier than we'd expected. Which meant more time for iTunes and MSN!

Now, other things going on in my life at the moment:

1. No love life/lack of.
2. Extreamly low self asteem.
3. Depression in general.

I'll start with the last one just to be different. Depression. How can explain this? I always get this badly after looking a people's new pics from the latest wild drunken party they've been to. I always think "Why is it never me putting those sort of pictures up?". It should be illegal to have that much fun in one night. Seriously - i kid you not. I soooo want to go to those sort of parties, or just parties in general to be honest because my life really does suck at times.

Number 2 problem: Extreamly low self asteem. Why am i always like this? Why can't i take a compliment and believe it at the same time? Why can't i not be so self-concious all the time? ARRRRRGH! I so want to be remembered as 'the pretty one' or 'the party animal' or something like that because those sort of people are always popular. Why do i always have to care what people think of me? I so want to be super confident.

And last but not least the most irritating of all my problems: The Love Life (or lack of it). There is someone but i won't reveal their identity for reasons being that i don't want people to know who it is. I think about him all the time, and when i say all the time i mean ALL the time. Everything i think about always goes back to him - i can't stop myself. Seriously, this is getting bad. Not bad, bad, but you know, bad. Bad as in I-shouldn’t-be-thinking-about-him-in-that-way-because-he’s-got-to-be-my-closest-friend. He IS my closest friend. Bar none (except from Alice because she’s my closest girlfriend.) I so want him like, proper badly, (that’s good English, isn’t it?) but it would never be the same again because when we break up I would never be able to see him with another girl because I’d be ridiculously jealous that I once had that and that now she knows everything about him, and I have to share him as a best friend, because that’s what he is to me. A best friend. I don’t want to treat him like a piece of dirt you’d find in the bottom of your shoe because he so doesn’t deserve it, but at the same time I don’t know what to do about this dilemma. Do I go out with him and make the possible future situations more awkward than they will be already, OR do I keep him as a best friend and keep him dangling like a teabag on a string forever more? It’s so not fair because I shouldn’t be treating him this way and leading him a merry dance if I’m not going to do anything about it and yet I still don’t want him to stop like ‘liking’ me because I think I might love him.

Woah. Where did that come from?